Thursday, February 4, 2010

THE DOUCHE REPORT



i want to put together a complete list of all the varieties of douche bags.

the standard douche - bad tan, ed hardy, you know the rest......
the mountain douche - bro....you arent sponsored, and that DC logo you have on your loud ass jacket and the rear window of your sic ride should actually read DB....douche bag.
the crotch rocket douche - grab your bro, your helmet, and your sweet leather jacket and park that whip in front of the trendy coffee shop, but make sure to never talk to girls and look as mean as you can because chicks dig that shit.
the skinny jeans hipster douche - i dont even know where to begin here....this might need its own post.
the skinny jeans fashionista douche - your distressed t-shirt cost $180 and your hair cut was $300. you're dainty son. your grandpa would be PISSED. be a man.
the faux wakeboarder douche - flip flops, board shorts, feathered hair. its fucking 48 degrees and we live in seattle. lake washington is choppy as fuck every day, you dont wakeboard. your boat was $60k but you just use it to cruise juanita bay. stop frontin.
the MMA douche - tapout.....its not a sport.....its a lifestyle.
the frat boy douche - i dont need to explain, you know the type.
the velvet blazer douche - a mix between the standard douche and the fashionista douche. this guy loves belltown and clever slogan t-shirts. he rocks pointy tip hard bottom loafers and looks like an elf. he might also own an oversized watch or brag of his worldly travels.
the singer songwriter douche - did you really need to bring your guitar to breakfast? youre sooooo mysterious.......
the gym douche - look at the hottest women in the world....are any of them with big muscle guys? nope. quit trying impress other guys and get your priorities straight (pun intended).
the "i'm in a band" douche - your life is worthless.....but you're IN A BAND! so......its cool MAN.......just focus on that! i'm sure it will work out one day. (other people that can fall into this category....1. the career student - you are 47, get a fucking job and quit milking your girls single income.....2. the unrealistic career goal guy - you are never going to become a marine biologist, a writer, or a firefighter, so when people ask you what you are doing, dont say "i'm applying for grad schools to become a vet".....tell them the truth.....you work at tully's and you cant pay your rent.......douche.

what am i missing? please feel free to add to my list. i'm going to try to add photos too.

and thanks for all of the comments on that last post. you guys are the shit.

4 comments:

Tanja Maduzia said...

now do one for girls!!!

Anonymous said...

hippie douche...volkswagen driving, tofu drumstick eating...

Anonymous said...

You forgot the pastel polos with horizontal stripes.

Semen Rendi said...

Find the latest used and new boats for sale.
Great used boat deals and prices.
More here postallads4free.com